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 Review archive:  # a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

Please Don't Feed the Children - Please Don't Feed the Children( DVD) [Signature Entertainment - 2025]

Destry Allyn Spielberg makes her feature directorial debut with 2024's Please Don't Feed the Children, written by Paul Bertino, starring Michelle Dockery (Downton Abbey), Zoe Colletti (Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark), and Giancarlo Esposito (Breaking Bad). Spielberg previously won Best Thriller at the City of Angels Women's Film Festival in 2022 for her short film Let Me Go the Right Way, so I had some expectations going in.

After a viral outbreak ravages the adult population, authorities blame the children for spreading it and lock them up in camps.
 
The film wastes no time. It opens with news reports and narration that throw us straight into a dystopian-style nightmare, with a gloomy colour palette that gives proper The Walking Dead vibes. Mary(Colletti), our protagonist, escapes almost immediately and then meets a group of orphans who discover her plan and decide to join her on her quest. There isn't any hanging about for tension; the pace is quick, and things get heated at the petrol station, but once they meet Clara(Dockery), everything grinds to a snail's pace. It's unclear where the story is heading. For me, it flits between horror and supernatural without ever really committing to either. Pick a lane!
 
The cinematography is faultless. The choice of close-ups, the lighting, and those unsteady handheld natural shots all ramp up the suspense brilliantly. What starts as a fight for survival from a group of orphans suddenly veers in a completely different direction, and the plot isn't tight enough. So many 'whys' kept popping up.
 
It's painfully predictable. You know those moments where you think the baddie is finally knocked down, but somehow, they still crawl back up? Yeah, that. When I finally got to the end and realised what was actually going on, Clara's strange behaviour suddenly made sense. But by then, I'd spent the whole film frustrated by plot holes you could drive a truck through.
 
Here's the weird bit: towards the end, the acting all went a bit wonky, then suddenly came back powerful right at the very end. Dockery is brilliant throughout, bringing that ice-queen demeanour she perfected in Downton Abbey.
 
Overall, the concept is good, but the story is missing heart. I spent ages wondering why the beginning started where it did, and it isn't until the very end that you realise they needed a reason for these characters not to have any family. The characters didn't feel all that deep. Something was missing; perhaps they hadn't invested enough time in their backstory. We're supposed to care about this ragtag group of orphans. Still, I never really felt connected to any of them beyond surface level. The premise had real potential. Shame the execution didn't match the ambition.
 
For a directorial debut (and dare I say better than her dad's first), Spielberg shows real promise with her visual style and atmosphere. However, the script required another pass to tighten things up and commit to the kind of film it wanted to be. Watchable? Absolutely. Memorable? Not really.

Rating: 2 out of 5Rating: 2 out of 5Rating: 2 out of 5Rating: 2 out of 5Rating: 2 out of 5

Joanne West
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