Hardwood: The Adult Features Of Ed Wood — Hardwood( Blu Ray boxset)

Depending on who you ask, Ed D Wood Jr is either one of the worst filmmakers ever, or a quirky/ bumbling auteur- who cut out his own distinctive path within US low budget/ cult cinema of 50’s to 70’s. Towards the end of his career, when he was somewhat of a washed-up alcoholic - he made selection of porn loops, and porn features- both in the soft and hardcore markets. Hardwood: The Adult Features Of Ed Wood is a three Blu-ray boxset, bringing together a selection of films from this period, as well as some of his loops, and a hicksploitation comedy drama he scripted.

The first disc features two films, 'Necromania': A Tale of Weird Love!, which mixes in kooky ‘n’ camp horror elements, with its pink and purple furnishing based hardcore. And The Only House In Town, which was Woods' attempt at doing a house invasion roughie.

So first up we have 1971’s 'Necromania': A Tale of Weird Love!- which regards a pretending-to-be married couple going to see necromancer Madame Heles, to cure the man's unsatisfactory performance. The film in its full Hardcore variant runs at around the fifty-three minute mark, though there is an option to watch a shorter softcore version.

 After overlong/ rather bland footage of a car driving with fairly upbeat orchestral stock music in the background. We meet our lead couple, lanky/ shades of brown-wearing Danny (Rich Lutz), and slightly skewed brunette wig-wearing Shirley (Rene Bound).

They enter Madame Hele's house,  and are quickly led into a dark, purple-painted room- which features a closed coffin above/ below this we have a rather ropy-looking large inverse crucifix, two candles and a metal skull. They are told by a woman in a see-through red nightgown, that they’ll have to wait until midnight to have an audience with the Madame. Danny pipes up, “Well, it’s only two in the afternoon, what are we to do until then?”- They are led to the first of a few thickly covered blankets and purple cushion-strewn bedrooms.

As things unfold, we get a few men and women-based hardcore scenes- the first of these features a man with black greased back hair & thick sideburns, then we of course see Danny & Shirley getting it on. With a few rather awkward women on women scenes too, and frankly awkward and uncomfortable is the best way to describe the sex here, we get a lot of rather rough & mechanical muff munching, dead-eyed blow jobs, and let's get this over with as soon as possible mountings.  These are often accompanied by rather whimsical & bright jigging guitar music.

The light horror elements in the film go from the already mentioned coffin, and what we find is inside it in the last moments of the film. A silver skull caressing & touching session. An Owl picture with peering eye holes. And most interesting, a curtain-covered kaleidoscopic viewing window, where couples are stuck in constant having sex purgatory with a pink/ purple wall backdrop.

The mix of porn and horror can often be quite effective/interesting- with more worthy titles blend these elements being The Toy Box (a film that cries out for a reissue!),  and Dark Dreams( featuring Harry Reems doing some not bad ‘proper’ acting)- both from the year 1971. 'Necromania': A Tale of Weird Love!, isn’t the best example of this crossbreed- but it’s most certainly not the worst.

 

Next on disc one, we have 1971’s The Only House In Town, which runs at the fifty-three-minute mark. This clearly started off as Wood’s attempt at making a roughie/ house invasion film– but due to the sloppy structure, near incoherent dialogue, and little or no feel of tension it quickly falls apart.

We kick off with a group of six or seven men and women breaking into a rather rundown mansion house. They then start chasing another woman, grabbing at her, fairly soon her breasts are uncovered. In time they corner her in a room, she screams and screams as they get closer, we have a swirling-going-into out of focus camera shot of the room's broken glass window.

We then see them carrying down the capture, pulling off her top fully- caressing her breasts. She is taken to a downstairs room and held down- but fairly soon everyone is relaxing/ laughing- as everyone undresses- we then get a messily filmed orgy- this is softcore, and very confusing- as it’s just flaying limbs, jiggling breasts, and wobbling bottoms.

At a point someone stands up and says something quickly- then the screen fades we then move to the big hatted Margert- played by Uschi Digard( Supervixens & Beneath The Valley Of UItra Vixens)- who bumbles out her words in a heavy accent- seemingly it’s something regarding the houses perverse history, but it’s difficult been completely clear as the dialogue is badly recorded & not really acted.

We then get a series of several more orgy-based scenes, one is broken up by an unconvincing fight between two of its female participants, then a one-on-one female encounter, all of these are kept softcore.

The house location is fairly neat, and at points, Wood (almost) captures a feeling of eerier tension and ominous air. Featured throughout are old film library elements, which are largely buoyant or dramatic, with one of the more memorable moments happening when a jigging banjo-led cue is played.

It’s all the same ‘actors’ used throughout the film, and really there is not much notable about them- aside from a few of the women being rather well-proportioned.  The fake lovemaking/ brief moments of acting are pretty terrible.

The Only House In Town is just about watchable, but is too often pulled down by what could have been/ it’s promise.

 

Extras-wise on this disc we get a commentary track for each film.  For the softcore version of 'Necromania' we have Ed Wood Summit Host Greg Javer and Author Paul Apel. This comes across as very chatty/ geeky, though there are some worthy observations/ facts revealed. They start by talking about how the opening car driving shot was on Sweitzer Drive just off Sunset Boulevard, moving onto point out that the used hall was in a studio on  Santa Monica Boulevard where many porn loops where filmed. We find out the coffin used was one of two owned by infamous psychic The Great Criswell- who worked with Wood on a few occasions.  They point out the three main actors as they appear, who were apparently very prolific, though we’re only given very brief bios. They point out a few set dressing elements that appear in other porn loops, and we found out rather bizarrely that the film had both a short story and novel linked to it, the later adding more depth and sexual encounters to the characters.  They chuckle about the gold skull going down scene. They discuss the subtle difference between the softcore and hardcore version of the film.  Later on, they chat about the early VHS releases of the film. Discuss the split screen shot, and its meaning. And we find out the Wood was very proud of the film.

The track for The Only House In Town is with Ed Wood Summit Host Greg Javer and Spicy Goldman Of Capri Show World, and this is again fairly informative, though a lot of the facts/ info regard the house in the film. They start by pointing out actors in the first few scenes- laughing about the 'Oscar-worthy' performance of the lead, and how the other actors are all acting with rather mixed tones.  They briefly give a history of rape scenes in porn during the late 60’s/ early 70’s- and how it became more prevalent.  They talk about the film's location the Hale house, which was built in LA in 1901- discussing paintings on the walls and pounding if they were originals.  Later on, they discuss the other films The Hale house was used for, and we find out its location was moved in the 1970s by the LA historical society.  They comment of Uschi Digard porn scene posturing, and how it’s the same in all of her work. They try to figure out the film's plot, and who the characters are meant to be. We find out how Wood got to film at the house, as he paid off the caretakers, saying he was making an 'art film', and it was shot over a weekend. They debate whether it was definitely Wood who filmed it, as many Wood fans don’t think it has his normal tone.

 

On disc two we have just one film- in hardcore or softcore versions, 1972’s The Young Marrieds, which looks at a married couple having sexual ‘problems’ with some nice (not so) subtle stabs at ‘normal’ heterosexual life.

So as mentioned, we get two versions- the hardcore at one hour and eight minutes, and the softcore version at fifty-six minutes- I watched the longer version.

We open with footage of crashing waves- as Mr voice-over gives us some poetic/ philosophical texts. Next, we switch to clearly stock footage of a strip joint where two over loud voices of two men are placed on top- there’s a younger man, Ben, and an older man. Ben is bored with his wife sexually, wanting her to be more like the strippers, he’s bluntly homophobic too. The old man talks about different strokes for different folks, but Ben is dead set in his prejudice.

We see Ben (Dick Burns) coming out of the strip club and jumping into his jeep- down the road a bit he picks up a woman, who says she wants to have no-strings sex. The pair drive to a sandy and scrab-based bit of land- he’s a little twitchy about cut by thorns, but fairly soon a blanket is laid, and they are getting it on- with a blow job, and all out sex- which is performed in a rather mechanical manner- she is skinny/ bony/ very hairy, and his member seems to have had a slightly messy circumcision.

Next Ben heads back home to his wife Ginny (Alice Friedland) who I guess looks like a scuzzier Jodie Foster. She is cross/ put out by her husband going to a strip show- he says he wants her to perform like a stripper, she caresses her breasts for a bit- but says she can’t get into, before he has rapid sex with her-as Mr voice over briefly pops back into to say this is the only way he can pleasure with his wife.

As we unfold, we drop into Ben’s workplace several times, which consists of stock footage of an office block and a dodgy-looking wood-lined office. His Brylcreem side parted and sideburned buddy keeps popping in, and we find out sooner enough that he & his wife are swingers.

Also, we get more marital bedroom action- as Ben pulls out a camera, does a little whipping, and she takes control. With more stock footage of strip shows.   The film has a fairly predictable last act, though it has a great twist in the tail.

The Young Marrieds is high in 70’s camp, with awful acting, mechanical sex, and generally bad filmmaking, but I rather enjoyed it, with the odd touches and twist making it memorable enough.

 

Extras-wise on this disc we get a commentary for The Young Marrieds from  Ed Wood Summit Host Greg Javer and Porn Archeologist/Collector Dimitri Otis- this take a minute or so to kick-in, so don’t do what I did reset it/ double check you clicked the right menu item.  They move from talking about street locations early on in the film, discussing how the area has changed today, with only a few buildings/ signs remaining, as well as touching on a few of the few colourful characters that inhabited the area when this was filmed. They discuss the films lead- Dick Burns, pondering if he got this pseudonym from his rather large sideburns. They talk about how after a few watches you start to notice the Wood tropes more and more in the film, as well as pointing out notable set dressing. Later on, they point out glitches in the film that Wood left in, and these go all the way back to his early work. They discuss other Wood made porn loops, and a few other things.

The other extra on this disc is a collection of nine porn loops made by Wood from this period- these each last around eight minute and eleven seconds, with subtitles created by Wood himself.

 

On the final disc, we have 1963 Shotgun Wedding- which is very much the odd man out on the set. As it’s neither a porno, or is it directed by Wood- his connection to the film is he is one of the three writers- and the film is basically hicksploitation comedy drama.

It was directed by Saratov, Russia born Boris Petroff- who had six other features to his name, and this was his final film. His other features take in musical comedy Hats Off (1936), mad doctor sci-fi horror The Unearthly (1957), and bad psycho rip off Anatomy Of A Psycho (1961).

The film runs for one hour and four minutes, and initially, you'll think you are in for a western, as we get shots of a typical looking western town. But fairly, we drop into hicksploitation as we meet our lead stubbily, potty-bellied, and creased back / balding Burford (J.Pat  O’Malley). He lives in a rickety river house- with his two sons, daughter, and Melanie (Valerie Allen), a twenty-something, he’s got to live with him because he claimed she committed a murder, but she has no memories of it.

The other storyline regards Honeybee (Jenny Maxwell) the just-of-age daughter of an angry and gun-happy redneck. She’s regularly meeting up with Burford's youngest Rafe (Buzz Martin)….and her daddy is less than pleased. Add into the mix later is a pregnancy.

Shotgun Wedding is a passable enough hicksploitation comedy drama- but nothing special/memorable, as there is no skin, violence, or gore. And really, I think if it didn’t have the Wood connect it would have disappeared without a trace.

 

Extras on this final disc take in the following new things- Ed Wood's Twilight Era( 28.17) which find comedian Dana Gould and director/ actor Bobcat Goldthwait talking about Mr Wood- this is fine, and we get to see some neat stuff from their collection like a signed photo of ED, and the fly sarcers from Plan Nine From Outer Of Space- though there discussion only touches on his later career- been more of a general overview. The Mad Genius Of Ed Wood (13.27) Interview With Carl Abrahamsson, Author Of Inbetween The Lines – Essays On Occulture, Magic, And Seductive Zombie Strippers- this is general appreciation of ED. And A Brief Encounter With Ed (10.39) Interview with Filmmaker Fred Olen Ray On His Ill-Fated Wood Collaboration,  Beach Blanket Bloodbath - this probably the best of the new extras here.

Lastly, we get The Incredibly Strange Film Show Season 2, Episode 4(39.54) Ed Wood Jr- the originally aired in the UK’s Channel 4 show from the late 80’s regarding Wood.

As you’d expect with this type of material, the prints here are fairly ropy, though clearly efforts have been made to clean the films up-, with the commenters throughout the set claiming this is the best they’ve ever seen these films.

 

Hats off to Severin for their time and effort with this boxset, as it’s clearly only going to appeal to a niche audience. And it certainly is fascinating to see these films, after hearing bits ‘n’ bobs about them over the years. The extras here are decent enough, and I can see Hardwood: The Adult Features Of Ed Wood- appealing to either fans of quirky 70’s smut, and or Wood fans- though if you're in the latter camp, do be prepared for some all out and out hardcore action in this set.