And now, at M[m] state of the art new office –from what I’ve told refurbished and completely furnished thanks to the bungs we accept for giving good marks to an endless list of obviously shitty releases-, now, as I said, Mr. Editor in chief twIX-moustache receives on regular basis envelopes with powder or bullets or such pleasant things. All coming from Finland. Those messages are clear: review the fuckers or die.

Well, unfortunately “Mistah Monti, he dead”. Or that’s what he is trying to have us believe, the lying cunt. Anyway, let’s forget about that dweebster among dweebs. The meaningful thing in this whole rotten business is that when I was signing my contract for this here website –and boy, do they pay crap money-, the ed told me “young man, you gonna review them two cd’s so we make sure those damn Santa Claus foes don’t come here shooting us down before they ask any questions”. Now what?

I can look at the things. The digipack for Älymystö is, like, very fancy and things. It’s even superb, if you’re into greyish greenish colours and industrial, modernist sort of photos. Now if you’re into flower and shit, you might as well stop reading. Sadkarma thing, less ghastly groovy: it’s not brighter, but the design is, like, more I don’t know, less taken care of I think. This visual thingy put off the way, what kind of sounds those merry pranksters actually commit to tape? The thing is, I don’t even know if I will dare put them in the stereo. I mean, if the guys are as bad as the ed say they are, maybe when I listen to the CD some malevolent, lethal gas will escape from the cd-player and, like, kill me?

I’m no poofster, so I ain’t afraid of anything! Let’s listen to them guys… Älymystö. The album is called Atomgrad. Apt title, it’s like a soundtrack to a sort of Stalingrad of the nuclear age. They call it industrial, and it certainly is. They call it noise, but I’d rather call it ambient, because that’s the kind of sound you get to hear when you spend your time in some city with a lot of fabrics. I mean, it’s everyday kind of moods and then there are even tracks with danceable, bangable beats because, you know, one has to go out on week-ends. Them tracks sound like Techno Animal, and it never is a bad sort of reference. Oh well, I say it’s everyday sound, just don’t take me too literally, because you know to hear this kind of stuff walking around the industrial zone of any major city in the world, you gotta have heard of Scorn and seen Mr. Lynch. Again, not a bad thing. This record is actually one of the best things of its kind I have gotten the pleasure of getting acquainted with recently.

Sadkarma. Solis e.p. We are walking in the same sort of, errr, pastures, but it’s, like, very different. I mean, we’re still in a post-apocalyptical sort of soundscape, but here, there is a sort of light at the end of the tunnel, more melodies thanks to the drone, oh, the drone, the infinite sustain of the vibration, reaching out, reaching out to your ears. So more melodies, but since I’m a sad fucker who craves for darkness, I enjoy this CD less. It’s interesting but not as masterfully executed, not as fantastically, horrifyingly good as Älymystö.

As a parting note: may he rot in hell he who delayed those reviews. He should have lit the path of those who fumble in the dark and teach them the teaching of those gloom merchants from far up north. Now please just don’t kill me! I don’t know Mr. Monti. Never met the asshole.

The horror! The horror!?